Now We're Solid

Ashford & Simpson - Solid by trashfan

Yesterday I ate a substantial amount of solid food for the first time since my cat died. It's mostly been soup, crackers and cheese for six days. But then a friend from California gave me some cookies - medicinal cookies - and boy did I rediscover my appetite. I spent the better half of Sunday stuffing my face. I didn't realize it when I woke up, and I didn't have to go before I left the house, but by the time I got off the train I was high-tailing it to Starbucks for a little public restroom action. I'm pleased to report that my grief diarrhea has subsided. I'm still down and I expect I will be for the next few weeks, or at least until the ashes come back and I've settled all the billing. Death is a hell of a business.

Quickie Update

Well, my bowels seem to finally be recovering from Aunt Flo's latest catastrophic visit, knock on wood.  Last Saturday I began taking my 5mg of Prednisone every other day, and so far things are stable enough (although not perfect by any stretch).  I've definitely been pooping more, and the results have dropped from 4 to 5 on the Bristol stool chart, but I can probably blame myself for that.  I've been in kind of a foul mood, and haven't wanted to think about the IBD much, so I've been neglecting the blog and Twitter as a result- this is very irresponsible of me since I keep this blog as a way of keeping myself in line. I'm supposed to come here and confess the IBD "sins" I've committed- like drinking coffee on the weekends and eating too much junk food.  Then I'm supposed to feel guilty and atone for my sins by behaving (can you tell I was raised Catholic?).  Basically what I'm saying is that I've been making stupid food choices this week, and that's probably playing a role in the decline of my pooh quality.

My hair is still constantly shedding, and I've had some new joint problems this week.  My right wrist has been giving me trouble (this may simply be due to computer use) and my heels/Achilles tendons have been stiff to the extent that I limp when I walk.  I'm hoping these new issues will go away as the Prednisone works its way out of my body, but I might check in with my doc next week just in case. 

And that's all for now, folks.  More to come (eventually)...

This might ruin popcorn chicken for you but...

But that's what my poop has been making me think of lately.  Not quite like the nuggets shown above- I guess they're bigger now, but when I was a kid I remember KFC popcorn chicken being smaller and that's the version of popcorn chicken I'm thinking of. Not every time, but more often than not when I poop it's these little light brown balls that collect in a pile at the bottom of the bowl.  Thanks to the steroids the association actually makes me hungry. 

I can't think of a photo, but here's an update anyway.

Since this past Monday I've scaled down to 40mg of Prednisone, and I started taking slow-FE (slow release iron) last weekend.  I was really happy to have a three-day weekend and was actually pretty active the whole time.  I cooked like crazy- I roasted a big chicken, which was put to use as chicken salad for lunch all week.  I made a huge batch of carrot soup, and one night I made a meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and green beans.  I've also been making smoothies for breakfast- So Delicious soy ice cream, chocolate Silk soymilk, a banana, and a big ol' dallop of Manuka honey blended up nice.  BUT now I'm facing a dilemma- my gastro told me to focus more on reducing processed and refined sugars than gluten or anything else, which is fine despite my sweet tooth.  I'd rather cut the sweets and feel better.  But I'm finding that researching specialty diets is like studying philosophy- everything I read contradicts basically everything else I read.  Half the stuff on a low-residue diet is banned by the specific carbohydrate diet, all of my favorite veggies are banned by low-sugar diets..so frustrating! How the hell am I supposed to know which diet is best for me?  I suppose the answers are instinct and trial-and-error.  I think my method will be to just be more aware of sources of sugar and allow for those naturally occurring (I really love carrots, potatoes, beets, and bananas) and try to be good otherwise.  More water instead of fruit juice, and water down my juice when I do drink it.  Maple syrup makes perfect sense as a replacement for brown sugar, and I picked up some molasses and stevia today. 

I've been up since 6:30am and I haven't had any intention of napping which is amazing.  I had a smoothie and white toast with seedless natural jam for breakfast, then got some bloodwork done for my gastro but through my gp's office.  I always have fun visiting my gp, she's a real hoot.  She's a little kooky, but she showers me with love and you just don't get that enough from care givers.  I've basically been cooking and doing dishes all day.  I don't know where this energy is coming from.  I baked a really gross gluten-free banana bread with apple sauce instead of butter and honey instead of sugar.  It was a major fail, but I think it was the particular gluten-free flour mix I used.  Well, it's a starting point and maybe I'll learn from it.  I also tried making a chocolate tofu cream pie- the batter tasted fine when I was making it, I'm hoping since it's chilled it's nice and creamy.  I'm roasting a pork loin over fennel (which is supposed to be a natural anti-inflammatory), carrots, and sweet potatoes, as well as a spinach casserole that includes garlic, mushrooms, and a few not-so-healthy things like butter, bread crumbs, and parmesan cheese (although I believe parm is lactose free?)  I was bad a few times this week- I had chinese for lunch one day and pizza for dinner, but I'm trying to approach altering my eating habits the same way I approached quitting smoking- move slowly but surely and don't give up if you cheat. I have a friend in Canada who's having success doing an elimination diet, so I've gotten some great information from her to mull over...though I question my discipline!

I'm thinking when I call to check in on Monday my gastro will try to reduce the Prednisone to 35mg.  Good news, but also scary because what if that's too little?  I'm also noticing I'm having more side-effects now despite being weened already.  Still the same cheek/acne stuff, but now I'm having roid rage (might just be normal rage though, I really hate this city these days).  I've called more strangers "pushy asshole" to their face in the past week than I have in the six years I've lived here.  In the earlier weeks of being on Prednisone I actually felt really serene and peaceful.  I think the problem is the urgency and impatience radiating from everyone else penetrates that serenity and spreads like a virus.  I keep scurrying and running when I know I not only shouldn't, but basically can't.  For what?  To get where I'm going three seconds sooner?Anyway, I'll write something a little more extensive on anger and all that.  For now, I have a roast to check.

CHEEK WATCH

So J and a few of my friends that have come by to visit since I've been home sick say they don't see a difference in my cheeks, so maybe I'm being my own worst critic, but I swear I see them swelling more each day.  I guess the 20 pounds of weight loss on the rest of my body is more noticeable (and alarming).  I don't think it will be long before I put some heft back on though, I'm eating like a pig and really have to discipline myself to keep from eating too much crap too late at night.  I also have to keep my cholesterol in mind, because I'm craving some real fatty foods, like corned beef hash and donuts.

I was up all night on Wednesday with Prednisone insomnia and it's caught up with me today.  I slept okay last night, but was up a lot between 5am and 7am.  I tried not to fall back to sleep in preparation for trying to get back to work next week, but I couldn't help it.  After J left for work around 8 I passed out until 10.  Now I'm trying to motivate myself to go out to the store (yesterday I made it all the way to the bank!! That's almost ten blocks and back again!) and even drop off my laundry.  Wish me luck!