I'm sorry Falcor. I done you wrong.
Let's talk about that awful sensation of The Neverending Butt Itch, a phenomenon recently highlighted on Texts From Bennett. Bennett, however, blames his butt itch on a lazy wipe. Me, personally, I find while it feels like I haven't wiped enough, on those days of The Neverending Butt Itch I actually wipe significantly more throughout the course of the day than I normally would in a week. I find myself ducking into a corner as I walk down the hall at work, or the sidewalk, so I can discreetly get a good crack scratch in, but this only serves as a temporary fix. Ten minutes later my brown eye starts to tear up again and the sensation of being bitten by mites can't be ignored. My only respite is to slip into a bathroom and wipe yet again. It could very well be that the irritation from all that wiping is doing more harm than good. In fact, I'd say that's pretty likely. But what that doesn't explain is the constant presence of poop on the paper. No matter how in-depth I get with the wiping, I still manage to come back with a streak. I might wipe a good ten times - without having even pooped - before I can get away with an acceptably clean swipe. I have yet to find a pattern (i.e. it only happens when I drink coffee, or it only happens when I'm on my period) so I'm assuming it's just the colitis itself having some fun with me.