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Catching Up...

I have again been delinquent in updating you all (and how many are you, two? three?) as to the activities of my GI tract. Pardon the absence, I was applying to a graduate program. Last I checked in I was starting Prevacid and watching my diet. I've been good about cutting out coffee, but I still need tea or some milder dose of caffeine. Without the boost I'm more useless to society than an artist on a trust fund. My period started Sunday, and the cramping hasn't been as bad as I was anticipating (knock on wood). My nipples have been really sore since getting the IUD put in, but aside from that I haven't noticed any side effects. I did go an entire day without pooping last week- I think it was Thursday? Damn, I should have posted about it! Oh here's a fun story about my poop:
Early Saturday afternoon I met a friend for brunch at a local restaurant. I had two cups of coffee, in direct conflict with Dr.'s orders. Well, it's not like I had anywhere to go but home afterwards, so I wasn't too worried. I had these yummy popovers filled with blue crab, topped with eggs benedict, served with a side of homefries. I felt a little queasy afterwards as the hollandaise sauce was a little too mustardy for me. I spent the rest of the day working on my application stuff for the aforementioned graduate program, and for dinner we had...crap i forget. ummmm...for dinner we had...oh, i think we had beer battered fish and chips (homemade). Yeah, that's right. and then i stuffed my face with Li'l debbie cosmic brownies because i'm a fucking pig. To be fair, I hate cold weather so I start to fatten up for winter to keep me warm. Anyway, I had to get up early the next morning so I went to bed around 10. At 3am I woke up with searing pain in my stomach and couldn't tell if I wanted to fart or burp. I staggered into the bathroom and sat down to poop but burped and burped instead. I got back into bed and stayed there for about ten minutes trying to get the gas pains to go away before I had to run back to the bathroom and expel the most amazing load of butt-piss I've produced in quite some time. Despite my health problems over the past year, this was first full-blown episode of the runs I've had in quite some time. Thankfully it went away as swiftly as it showed up, but dayum! I must've been in there with the hershey squirts for twenty minutes! But as those of you with IBD know, better in the bowl than in my pants.
So then on Sunday I woke up, poopless and tired, and had to drag my ass to Connecticut to do some volunteer work. I won't get into the details, but let me just say how much I hate it when people speak to the elderly like they're retarded. Slow talking and yelling help someone with Alzheimer's won't make them remember you any better. If they're just going to forget what you tell them anyway, you might as well speak to them normally. Moving on-
Sunday I had a waffle for breakfast, a boston cream donut for a snack (gross, only at 1/2 of it) and J made me delicious pan-fried pork chops for dinner with broccoli and mashed potatoes. I've been pretty regular since then. I forget what the scene was yesterday, but this morning I made two nice logs, begging to be rolled in nuts and served with Thanksgiving dinner. ewww hahaha! like a cheese log, get it?? anyway, I've stopped puking in the mornings, but I do fart like crazy when I first get up. I try my best to keep my gas at bay until J has left the room to make his coffee, but if he doesn't move fast enough he's...wait for it...shit out of luck.
Today I snackwell wafers (yeah, because I'm obviously so concerned about my weight) for breakfast with tea, and made the mistake of getting sesame chicken with rice from the hot bar at the corner deli. DUH lesson of the day: don't eat chinese food if it's not from a chinese restaurant. Will I ever learn a lesson the easy way? No. Probably not. So right now I feel a little barfy, but it's my own damned fault.

Oh, and before I sign off, how great does it feel to say (or type) President-Elect Barack Obama?
I don't know what planet John McCain lives on, but there's no way $5, 000 would cover a year of health care. I just hope beyond hope that universal health care makes it onto the first-term priority list (stupid wars, gettin' all the attention!) Arright, that's all she wrote...

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