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Dropping the Kids at the Pool and Leaving Them There

Okay, that's a dog, not a kid, but the water looks brown and pooey so I thought it'd be appropriate.

Something I've noticed in the past week is that my boyfriends pooh doesn't like to be flushed. More often than not, I wake up in the morning and there's a small surprise left for me at the bottom of the toilet. Sometimes he's jokingly say "careful for my friend in there, he's sleeping." But sometimes even he's surprised by the staying power his doodie has exhibited. Let's take a look at what we've been eating.
J eats breakfast, which is something I skimp on. To hear him tell it, he usually scrambles a few eggs and/or pours himself a bowl of cheerios and brews a cup of coffee. For lunch this week I know he's had a couple of salami and provalone sandwiches with pringles and carrot sticks. I also know he's eaten Wendy's chili a few times. As for myself, my breakfast is usually a cereal bar or pop tart, and lunch has been salami sandwich etc, slice of pizza, and oh, on wednesday i didn't eat lunch, but I'll come back to that. We eat dinner together, so I know he and I are on the same page there. Sunday we had franks and beans (which could definitely account for the floaters we each left in our wake the next morning). Monday was chicken marsala with rice, tuesday I went out to dinner and had chicken parm while J had two burgers and fries. Wednesday I only really ate cheerios and fries, and Thursday we had grilled chicken with ceasar salad.

Okay, Let's talk about the Wednesday fiasco. About a month ago I had to get a cervical biopsy because I had an abnormal papsmear. I was warned by friends to take a pain killer before hand, which I did, and the whole thing was a breeze. However, the next day I was incredibly nauseas and blamed it on the pain killer. Thus, when I went in to the cunt spelunker on Wednesday to have an IUD installed, I decided to pass. BIG. MISTAKE. First of all, I'd had two glasses of red wine the night before and forgot to take my PM does of pills. Oops. Secondly, I barely slept that night and was a total zombie. I puked when I woke up on Wednesday morning and was half-alive all morning. I dragged myself to the gyno at 2 in the afternoon, excited to have a half day off of work. I was really expecting to perk up and have a nice lunch after the appointment, maybe take a brief nap. Well, I should have taken that pain killer. My gyno pried my cervix open and I wanted to barf, shit, and queef all at the same time. I tell ya, vaginas are nothing but trouble. I walked home, because walking helped the cramps, but as soon as I got in the door I puked my guts out and fell asleep for an hour, curled into a ball of uteral spasms. I woke up feeling the way I did for the first half of the summer, when I was monofied. It gave me horrible flashbacks, but luckily eased up within a few hours. I remembered I had some cough syrup with codeine in it, so I took a moderate swig which not only eased the pain but also helped me sleep that night.

Well, I'm not so sure this post has really said much. I'm a bit of a rambler, if you hadn't noticed. But that's the update for now. Stand by...

1 comment:

Jeri said...

This is a joy men with Crohn's will never know...the guts and the uterus playing Dueling Banjos with cramps. I hope the biopsy turns up nothing exciting.