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Trouble With the Other Hole

So I found out a few weeks ago that I have HPV, despite being monogamous and having had my Gardasil shots. I'm not that worried, as it will probably go away, but I am annoyed to now be harboring three viruses, even if they are currently asymptomatic. How much can one immune system take?? After finding out my pap smear was abnormal, my gyno (or as I call her, my "cunt spelunker") called me in for a coposcopy. Now I've had cameras shoved up my ass and down my throat, but my cervix was opened for the first time today. Thankfully I have enough friends with HPV that I was warned to take pain killers prior to having my poontang biopsied...turns out having slices of your coochie ripped out is less than comfortable. So the next step is wait a week for my results. If things seem to be clearing up I'm okay and just need to keep an eye on it. If things look bad I have to get a more intense biopsy and some procedure to scrape the pre-cancerous cells out of me (or something like that). I tell ya, vaginas are nothing but trouble. I have to admit to a certain amount of pride when I'm up there in the harness with a metal clamp stretching me open and my doctor asks "Are you okay?" and I can honestly and calmly say "yes." It's like I'm pleased that I'm such an experienced patient. I've always felt that the headspace I enter when I'm on the exam table must be comparable to that which porn stars are in while performing, something like hitting an "off" switch.

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