Sunday Dinner

I had delicious collard greens with dinner on Sunday night. I haven't been able to find my recipe box since J moved in, so I had to throw it together through memory. First I threw about five diced shallots into the bottom of a big pot with some minced garlic and olive oil. I almost always make collard greens with a roast pork loin, so I usually hack off a fatty piece of the roast and then toss that into the pot as well. When the aromatics are nice and tender and the pork is browned, I add about six cups of lighlty salted water (some people use chicken broth, but I think this makes it too salty) and rip up a head of collards and dump that into the water, shoving it down with a wooden spoon until it starts to wilt. At this point I add about two teaspoons of apple cider vinegar and a little sprinkle of sugar. Cover the pot and let it simmer, checking in after the first 20 minutes or so. Stir everything up and take a little taste of the broth and flavor to your liking. re-cover the pot and let the greens simmer for another 40 minutes or so, depending on how much water you put in and how tender you want your greens. Usually when I check on them at the 20 minute mark I put the pork roast into the oven (375 degrees) so they'll finish up at about the same time. Mashed potatoes are a nice touch too, but you can figure out how to make those on your own. Eat your delicious dinner and then wake up the next morning with a tummy cramp. Roll out of bed and onto the toilet for a marathon shit, the kind that you take little breaks from in order to shower and brush your teeth, but you inevitably keep squeezing more out every five minutes or so. It's nothing to scoff at. You'll produce thick, solid turds you could write home about, although they might be a bit green. Try to wake up a little early the morning after eating this recipe, otherwise you might be late for work (I was!)