That's right folks, hats off to technology for I sit before my laptop screen atop a porcelain throne ready to report to you direct from the field. About half an hour ago I had a small link sausage and a 1/2 a cup of coffee, but prior to that I took a soft, stinky poop. Now I am producing what seems to be an equally soft, yet formed and slightly smaller, far less stinky rendition of the same thing. I see little flecks of Pentasa (on reader likened them to sprinkles on ice cream, i believe) and my butt feels irritated. My back is still stiff despite having taken that Valium and sleeping with a ThermaCare pack on all night.
I feel a slight cramping in my stomach, like I want to produce more, but my hole is puckering in vain. I'm tempted to use my isite camera to show you what I've been up to while typing this, but that's a little too gross, even for me.