The Neverending Butt Itch

                                                          I'm sorry Falcor. I done you wrong.

Let's talk about that awful sensation of The Neverending Butt Itch, a phenomenon recently highlighted on Texts From Bennett. Bennett, however, blames his butt itch on a lazy wipe. Me, personally, I find while it feels like I haven't wiped enough, on those days of The Neverending Butt Itch I actually wipe significantly more throughout the course of the day than I normally would in a week. I find myself ducking into a corner as  I walk down the hall at work, or the sidewalk, so I can discreetly get a good crack scratch in, but this only serves as a temporary fix. Ten minutes later my brown eye starts to tear up again and the sensation of being bitten by mites can't be ignored. My only respite is to slip into a bathroom and wipe yet again. It could very well be that the irritation from all that wiping is doing more harm than good. In fact, I'd say that's pretty likely. But what that doesn't explain is the constant presence of poop on the paper. No matter how in-depth I get with the wiping, I still manage to come back with a streak. I might wipe a good ten times - without having even pooped - before I can get away with an acceptably clean swipe. I have yet to find a pattern (i.e. it only happens when I drink coffee, or it only happens when I'm on my period) so I'm assuming it's just the colitis itself having some fun with me. 

G2P?

 I'd been complaining to some folks in my graduate programs about how disgusting some of the people that go to our school are - a judgement based on the state of the campus bathrooms. There is always backsplash on the seat, more toilet paper than necessary clogging at least one of the bowls, and some of the dumbest, uninspired bathroom graffiti I've ever seen. It was like kismet, then, when I next used the bathroom and saw a flyer for a website devoted to documenting the public bathrooms of New York City. (Naturally, I had to submit.)

Have you had an NYC bathroom horror, or by some stroke of luck a luxury bathroom experience that you'd care to share? This is the place to do it. I'm hoping it gets populated to a point where it can serve as a sort of Yelp for folks like us who might need to locate a public bathroom in a pinch.


Image source: g2pnyc.com